how to talk to socially awkward women.

Posted April 21, 2011

i’ve been thinking about this post for a while and sent an email out to a few friends who are…well…a little socially awkward. the response was overwhelming so i had no choice but to write it all down.

there’s a lot of awkward boys/men/menchildren in the media (both fictional and non) these days.
but what about my awkward ladies? the girls who drew pictures of horses way past the point it was cute? or who read fantasy novels in high school when other girls were learning how to put on make-up and other such skills? the liz lemons of the world?

before i get some rants about how awkward i am or not, i want to say about half of these are inspired by me and about half are inspired by or written by some of the most socially awkward women i know.

how to talk to socially awkward women. a list.

1) don’t expect a socially awkward girl to initiate hugs, kisses, or physical touching.

the socially awkward girl may know you and like you but that doesn’t mean she wants to touch you. if she doesn’t know you, she definitely doesn’t want to touch you. obviously there is a spectrum of awkwardness and some socially awkward women may warm up to you, but do not assume it. and mostly, don’t take it personally (particularly in a city like los angeles where people like to kiss strangers).

2) if you’re talking to a socially awkward girl and she starts laughing to herself, she’s not laughing at you. she’s laughing at how awkward the situation is.

the socially awkward girl’s best friend is her own self-awareness of how awkward she is. she’s learned to love it and laugh at it. you should too.

3) it’s okay if there are longish pauses in the conversation.

the socially awkward girl is not afraid of a long pause (although she may laugh at it – refer to number 2). she is processing what you’re saying. and she hopes you are processing what she’s saying so pauses are acceptable.

she also may not laugh at your joke. it’s not that she doesn’t think you’re funny. she just may not get it and might not see the point of laughing at something she doesn’t get. or she may get it and not think it’s funny. the socially awkward girl may not fill in silence with flirty laughter. and she will not apologize for that.

4) if you’re talking to a socially awkward girl, it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to make out with you.

this may be more of a subcategory of socially awkward women who are also geeks. some of my friends disagree but hear me out. sometimes a socially awkward girl geek will engage with you because she likes your comic/movie/acting/writing/illustration/whatever. that doesn’t mean y’all are going to bone later. she’s an actual fan of your work which i would say might be an even bigger compliment than thinking you’re hot. (no?) in conclusion, women can like your work without wanting to sleep with you.

5) ask direct questions.

the socially awkward girl may not understand your social nuances. don’t ask, “did you know the New Beverly is doing a midnight screening of In the Mouth of Madness?” say, “would you like to go on a date to see In the Mouth of Madness at the New Beverly? i’ll buy popcorn.” otherwise, she may assume you’re not on a date and be confused if physical contact is initiated.

also, i like popcorn.

the next is quoted verbatim from my friend cassandra because it’s brilliant:

6) Follow the rules of Dirty Dancing: Don’t put Baby in a corner.

By this I mean don’t talk me up against a wall or corner. It makes me nervous and like I don’t have a way out. Also, don’t get someone pregnant and not take responsibility for it. And, don’t fall in love with your country club dance instructor.

7) shy does not mean snobby.

also shy does not equal boring. or weird. or angry. or uninterested. it just means shy. some socially awkward women are just shy. they might want to talk to you but they won’t. and they may not respond much once you do start talking to them.

 

got more ideas (from socially awkward ladies and the people who love them)? send to info@breagrant.com or just fill out the form on my contact page.

thanks to cassandra, alyx, and catherine (who has a blog and a twitter but doesn’t want to have to interact with people). as well as input from neesha who insists she is not socially awkward.